The unnamed girl behind Girl On The Net, one of the U.K.’s most popular sex blogs, is anything but shy. Since 2011, after a breakup with her boyfriend, she’s been blogging about her real life sex stories, dirty fantasies, and sharing rants about gender and sex, as well as cheeky mentions, sex news, guest blogs, and erotic illustrations.
“We were both always pretty kinky and experimental, and we’d done bits and pieces of writing together,” Girl On The Net said. “He wasn’t sure about starting a blog though, as he was way shyer than I was about airing our dirty pants in public.”
Once he became her ex-boyfriend, she started writing about their sexual escapades and asked if he was OK with letting her share the stories online. After he agreed, the blog took off and has been growing in readership ever since.
The first blog entry she wrote for the site was titled, “On Asking for Sex,” which was about chatting people up and figuring out how to put yourself out there. Some of her more recent posts include, “Naked from the waist down: a bottomless parlour game” and “Struggle-fucking: hold me tighter.”
“I’ve become less comfortable, I think, because when I started I was very naive and eager to just splatter my thoughts onto the page,” Girl On The Net said. “I had a lot of trash opinions and I wasn’t afraid to use them. Now I think I’m more circumspect—I think carefully about a blog post before I hit publish. I’ve never been nervous simply because it was about sex though—I’m more likely to be nervous if it’s something political that people might disagree with.”
One of her favorite topics within the sex genre is sex tech, which includes writing about upcoming inventions and toys. She also likes to tackle ethics, whether it involves consent and rights or peculiar questions like, “What exactly is wrong with a dildo made of human ashes?”
“I like taking a question that perplexes me and figuring out the answer, and there are plenty of these questions in the sex space where there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ just a moral judgment for you to figure out based on your ethical principles,” she said.
There are a few cases in which she won’t write about something because she doesn’t have direct experience with it, like certain fetishes or jobs within the sex industry. This is when she reels in guest bloggers who are fully strapped on with the necessary experience.
While the life of a sex blogger may seem like a fun “romp in the sheets,” she’s had to deal with her fair share of negative feedback in the comments section, which usually has to do with the “sex” part or “feminism” part of her blog posts, and the strong beliefs attached to them. “If it’s a comment I might reply to correct a misconception or offer a counterargument, but to be honest there are some people who’ll hate what I do no matter what, so there comes a point where you have to let it go, or just cry into a gin and tonic.”
Another tribulation she’s faced is people threatening to expose her real identity, in spite of her effort to maintain anonymity for reasons such as safety and the privacy of people she’s slept with. “It’s not always clear from those who threaten it whether they actually know who I am or just think they do,” she said. “The biggest risk at the moment, I think, is friends who might accidentally let my name slip in conversations. I’m a big believer that humans are mostly good, and I think if I were ‘outed’ it would be a mistake rather than out of malice. “
Girl On The Net has published two books, which include, “My Not-So-Shameful Sex Secrets” and “How A Bad Girl Fell In Love.” She’s also shared her expertise with other publications, such as Cosmopolitan, Glamour, The Guardian, FemaleFirst, and FHM, to name a few. We asked her to tell us her favorite things about sex. Here’s what she said.
Dirty talk. I’m a massive fan of dirty talk, and if someone’s good at it a whispered “good girl” from my partner can do the work of a whole lot of foreplay.
Good hands. Hands are one of the sexiest things about a person.
Prostate play. This gets on the list because it’s perhaps not a standard trick in many people’s books, so often I get to be the first to do it if the guy is up for it.
Noises. I get ridiculously excited if I come across porn where the guys are making lots of noise—grunting, being vocal, all that stuff. I know a lot of people grow up shy to make noise because they don’t want to disturb neighbors or housemates, but I can’t get enough of those grunts and moans when someone’s getting ready to climax.
Mess. Sex, for me, should ideally be something that leaves you feeling a bit dirty afterward—I like getting a bit too covered with lube or spunk or… well, whatever else.
I’m going to call this one “that moment when…” So the moment when you go from casual flirting to “OK, we’re definitely going to do this now.” It’s one of the hottest things about sex—when you know your lust is requited. It might be the second they invite you back for coffee or that moment they lean in for a kiss.
New toys. I don’t have a giant collection of sex toys, but I have a few, and my partner and I both get excited when a new toy comes through the letterbox. What I like most is getting to use sex toys—like masturbation sheaths—on him. Watching the look on his face as I do something that feels really good is like giving a hand job with superpowers.
Watching a penis get hard. Seriously, the journey is as important as the destination, and penises are magical and hot.
These words: thwack, smack, spank, wallop, belt. What can I say? I am into BDSM and these words act as a pretty direct sexiness trigger. See also: the noise of a belt being slipped out of belt loops.
Simplicity. I think I enjoy the fact that most sex, when done well and happily, is a very simple thing. It’s all about focusing on your partner (or partners) and yourself, and following your instincts: what feels good to you, what sounds they’re making, and what that tells you about how good it feels to them. I’m constantly anxious so I really suck at switching my brain off, but good sex helps me to chill and just focus on what’s happening.